You were in love with someone else back then, weren't you. You've fallen in love with someone else long ago, haven't you. If so, FUCK YOU. And I suddenly knew how bad and lame I was. I wanna die.
How ironic, Barry became a better person by puting himself on the messiest, darkest track and trying to kill his father figure in order to protect people he actually cares in his actor life. Episode 5 for Hader is like paintball for the Russos.